=agony in silence=

Ever tried crying, but never knew the reason why you were crying?! It’s really strange.. have you tried hoping for something, and yet, no matter what you do, that hope of yours would just fade.. it really is painful, isn’t it? I know how that feels.

Just last January 27, 2007- something weird happened to me. From my previous post, I was saying how much I value my childhood friends.. I until now, I still value them.. Except for one person. That person somehow broke my heart without doing anything really bad.. Because of his truthfulness, I was hurt.. Really bad..

You see, I have this childhood friend who I treasured so much.. though we were young, I treated him the way he should be treated- a friend. Both our parents were good friends. They would come to my house every Monday evening. My siblings, my friends, and I would then play in the room. The room would be really sooo messy!!!! It was as if a storm passed by.. ahahaha.. I really enjoyed those times.. we were grade 3 back then..

But as time passed, and we both became grade 6, we lost connections and we began living each others separate lives.. it was a bit mysterious, but life still went on… until we both turned 4^th year high school..

When I thought I’d never talk nor chat with him again, I surprisingly had his cellphone number!!! He was actually my classmate’s elementary classmate.. I was happy to chat with him after so many years of silence.. but, friends are just friends.. no more.. no less

Just last January 27, 2007- Saturday, my friend told me about the girl he liked for so long.. I actually never thought that he had already a special someone in his heart.. when he texted me about his plans on telling the girl how he feels for her, I was shocked for a minute.. I didn’t know what to say… when suddenly, tears began falling from my eyes.. I didn’t know why I was crying.. I suddenly felt something weird inside me.. it was some kind of pain. I really wanted to scream and shout, but i had to control myself.. I texted my other friend about how I felt. He helped me forget about my childhood friend somehow..

I then realized that, not all second chances are happy endings.. And sometimes, it’s better to live in the past where everything was just so calm.. All I did was just to write all my feelings in my diary… in that way, no one would be hurt.. I actually want things to be this way.. Calm.. even if I’m the only one suffering.. But, I shouldn’t worry.. It’s his lose not mine… ahem, it isn’t important who that childhood friend is.. Cause, I will do everything to erase him from my life (please keep this as a secret)